Explore a Path to a better relationship

June 15, 2011 – 2:29 pm

What is it like to struggle in relation to another human being? What is it like to want to be connected and yet not find a way to connect emtionally with your partner? How hurtful is it when we try to connect and let yourself be vulnerable but get misunderstood? These are questions that we have dealth with in sessions lately with couples who are trying to find “it” in their relationship.

 So much of what we do as therapists is to help people sort out their concerns, their upsets and their needs. We do spend a great deal of time in session working to express and understand what is happening for the individuals and then the additional layer of what is happening for them as a couple. This is often a rich and exciting discussion since it is not easy to “go there” on our own. A skilled therapist will help you express yourself and listen to your upset and concern for the relationship.

There is a phrase sometimes used as a sarcastic remark but it does hold power to help a couple invent something that could work better. The phrase is “how is that working for you?”. If we spent more time discussing this question and pondering the answer perhaps our experience together would be a more productive dialog. There is a caution that I give to couples which is “listen to the answer and believe your partner when the tell you how it is for them!”. It is not a time to discount or disbelieve. It turns out altogether differently when we take them at their word and listen with a compassionate heart and an ear for understanding.

If you would like help understanding yourself and a new way to get your needs met in a relationship, consider Journey Counseling. We are here to help you along the path to a more enriching relationship.

By gail | Posted in couple counseling, happiness, happiness is hard work | Tagged | Comments Off

Winter Blues

January 14, 2011 – 10:01 am

Is winter hitting you hard? When I go out to shovel the snow and find I can’t pitch it high enough on the existing bank…I start to get nervous for our annual spring flood. The growing accumulation of snow has many of us worried. What can we do? There is a skill advocated by the Red River Resilence committee to help us deal with these feelings. Go to their website and facebook page to learn more. The one skill that I am practicing today from the FACTS series is Take Care of Yourself. I’m also Connecting with others and refreshing my list of goals for the year. I’m purposefully distracting myself from the dread of the upcoming flood season.

Dr. Norm Rosenthal, suthor of WinterBlues, says his experience with seasonal affective disorder has taught him to treat winter as an adventure. I though of that as I climbed over the 5 foot high snow bank lining the parking lot to get to work. As I climbed over the bank I remembered by high adventure trip mountain climbing in Montana. It brought back great memories and again distracted me from the worry of too much snow. Give it a try to foster hope that you have what it takes to survive and thrive. Suprise yourself today by creating good thoughts.

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How are you…really?

May 12, 2010 – 1:39 pm

Wouldn’t it be nice if we had real conversations about that question? How would it feel to really be able to say how things are for you when people ask “how are you?”. I’m guessing that we get so accustomed to giving fake answers like “fine” or “great” that we begin to lose track of how we are actually feeling. I know it is a social custom to respond with “fine” but I wonder when someone who really wants to know asks us “how are you” ; if we struggle trying to find the word to describe how we really are feeling.

Given the pressure on our time and our tendency to apply the “quick fix” to problems, it could be that we short change ourselves by not sharing how things are for us. I see this problem with couples who have not stopped long enough to check in with each other and find out more about their worries and concerns. After this pattern gets put in place, resentment starts to build when our partner does’nt know “how we are”. After a while of this type of inattention, people feel neglected. So, next time someone asks you that vital question….what if you experiment and see what response you get. Are they really listening? Do they offer to help? Could they give you a word of encouragement or enlightenment? It may be worth a try to see if we can connect more effectively and help relieve the burden of feeling alone. Write to me and tell me what happens with your experiment. I’ll try it too and report back.

By gail | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Yipee – new technology

June 24, 2009 – 12:36 pm

OK, so..I’m going to be up for a new phone contract soon.  I’m so excited to see the new technology that I will have at hand with a new phone.  Two years in the technology world is enough time to invent, create and produce a new look. 

 I’m wondering how that is for us as Human Beings.  Are we inventing, creating and producing new aspects of ourselves in short time frames?  Are we evolving in our skills, our human technologies, and our ways of thinking about the world around us?   There is pressure to move fast.  I’m wondering what that is doing to us.. what is the effect on our Being Human ?   I get excited by new discoveries in brain science, neurolinguist programming for communication science and for adaptabiliy in relationships.

How about you? How are you doing with the changes you see around you?

Have you seen the YouTube show called Shift Happens 2009?  Go to YouTube to view it – you’ll be amazed!

What do you think now?

By gail | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Life in the Display Window..

May 13, 2009 – 11:51 am

Walking to the bank today I passed a jewelry store.  I let myself linger and window shop for a few minutes.  The display cases sparkled with beautiful stones and unique custom made pieces.  In the next window was a collection of Hummel figurines.  Quickly tears came to my eyes.  And then,along the neuronet of my memory, came the image of my Grandmother’s collection of Hummels.  I smiled through my tears as I longed for the days of being with my Grandmother.  Those times in childhood when all was right with the world and I felt safe and loved.   

Isn’t it interesting how a visual image can trigger a memory and emotion?  In our counseling work at Journey Counseling we help guide people to identify some of the missing  pieces that could make  life more interesting and create those feelings of being safe and loved.  Relationships struggle when we get out of balance and assign too much responsibility to another for our well being.  It is delicate trying to accommodate the needs of others and also identify and meet our own needs.  

If the “display case” of your life isn’t  showing off a  beautiful collection of interesting relationships, then come in to work on improving the contributions you are making to yourself and to add sparkle to the lives of others who share your life with you.

By gail | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Flood Update

April 10, 2009 – 3:20 pm

I’ve been distracted by many events over the last few months but nothing like the threat of flood.  Right now, our Red River Valley is experiencing a flood and a  threat of more flooding.  We are currently waiting for the second crest to raise the river to unprecended levels.  Hundreds of families are impacted by being overwhelmed by the flood waters.  Thousands more are impacted emotionally while we live with the fear that we could be overrun by water, much like the City of Grand Forks in 1997.  For those of us that worked in Grand Forks and helped with their recovery efforts, this wait and fear is the stuff of nightmares! 

My hope for you, gentle reader, is that you are doing what you need to in an effort to take care of yourself emtionally and physically during this stressful time.   Our Fargo City Mayor has requested that everyone take time off from the flood fight to enjoy the Easter holiday and then on Monday we can start worrying about the flood fighting efforts again. 

There is concern that that effects of this threat is having psychological impacts on our mental health.  Be careful to take extra precautions against accidents and being overtired.  This sustained worry and physical strain will have an effect on our mental health.  Be good to yourself and those around you.  If you are suffering from the effects of the prolonged stress, Journey Counseling is here for you.  Call for an appointment.  You will feel relief from getting to look at how this threat of flood and living in a disaster zone is wearing on you.  We are already seeing an increase in PTSD symptoms, relationship conflict and health impairing stress effects.  Please let us know that you want to get some relief and our Counseling group can see you and talk about how this is impacting your ability to sleep and keep your mind on work.  These are huge distractions for people in our valley who are experiencing flood related issues.

By gail | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Upcoming events for Blue Moon and Journey Counseling

August 1, 2008 – 10:54 am

I have a “Lunch and Learn” event scheduled and you are welcome to join Gordie and I for some great skill training to update your relationship skills.  The sessions are in our training room on the 4th floor downstairs from our office in the Black Building (we are on the 6th floor Suite 601)

Bring your lunch and join us for lively, fun, free communication training.

Lunch and Learn – Communication Series

Great Opportunity to update your communication skills(Who can’t benefit from being better understood?!)

Bring your own lunch and join us for a lively, free informative session. 

 Join Gail Nelson and Gordy Lee of Journey Counseling in the 4th floor Conference Room

(118 Broadway, Black Building, Downtown Fargo)

Each session is 40 minutes  12:10 – 12:50

Wednesday, August 20th          What do you mean by that?  Getting Clarity in Conflict

Learn how “what we say” often hides “what we mean” in a conflict.By Gail Nelson, M.ED., LAPC  

Wednesday, August 27th      Navigating the Cycle of Conflict

Discover 5 stages of predictable behavior in a relationship conflict.

By Gail Nelson, M.ED., LAPC  

Wednesday, September 3rd       Back to School: Relationships 101

Refresh your skills on how to improve your closest relationships.

By Gordy Lee, M. Ed., M.Div. 

Wednesday, September 10th          Managing Relationship Conflict

“I thought we were friends” – what now?  Repairing a damaged relationship.

By Gordy Lee, M. Ed., M.Div. 

Questions?       Call Gail Nelson 701-356-5544

Email your registration to gail@bluemoontraining.com

Or just show up and surprise us!  

By gail | Posted in Training, Uncategorized | Comments Off

A Solution to Decrease Depression

August 1, 2008 – 9:16 am

In chemistry class, one of the learning objectives is to understand concentration and solutions.  I remember writing formulas to describe the solution created in the beaker.  Let’s take that image and apply it to a strategy to decrease depression.  We know that the body creates chemicals based on emotions.  If we panic, chemicals make us move faster to get away from danger.  If we are sad, chemical changes can be measured in our tears.  It is established that our body is like that beaker from chemistry class where solutions of chemicals are mixed according to our emotions. 

The challenge regarding depression is to understand that we have power to change the concentration of the solutions that create the supressed emotional state called depression.  You can watch an animated version of this lesson in the film “What the Bleep Do We Know”.  It is a great teaching tool to see how powerful we are in regulating our body chemistry.    The simple lesson for today is to work with your thoughts, recogonize the  impact of negative thoughts on our body chemistry and work to make a better “solution” of thoughts that contribute to our wellbeing.   

When we learn how to change our thoughts, we change the concentration of the powerfully depressing negative thought patterns that impact our mental health. 

Try this exercise today.  On a blank sheet of paper, write down simple things that bring you pleasure and joy.  This is called a “Joy List”.  These are simple things and the game of writing them down is addicting – hard to stop because it feels good.  Let’s give our brain a treat – joy is candy for the soul.  

Here’s my Joy List for today:

Wake up!

Make coffee.

Read the morning paper.

Enjoy my kids energy.

Anticipate going on vacation tomorrow.

Walk around the block.

Smell fresh cut grass (hard to do this one in December!)

Drink coffee.

Make my bed.

Write this blog.

Hope someone read it.

Give hope to people suffering with depression.

Breath deeply.

Play with our little, white, purring kitten.

By gail | Posted in depression, happiness is hard work | Tagged , , , | Comments Off

Is Happiness Real?

April 2, 2008 – 1:31 pm

What is happiness?  Perhaps, as Eckhart Tolle explains, happiness is the absence of unhappiness. 

Think about it for yourself.  When are you happy? 

 Do you notice when you are happy?  Do you say “Wow, right now I am happy!” 

 Or do we more often only look for happiness out of our unhappiness, misery, depression and loneliness? 

The skill then, would be to cultivate happiness by noticing the absence of unhappiness.  We could benefit from deciding to be happy and allowing the self to celebrate this “feeling good” state more each day.  If we took stock more often of the stuff that is going right – we would be happy more often. 

When it comes to happiness, it really is the case of “we are what we think about” as Earl Nightingale was promoting decades ago.   We have all the tools and skills to cultivate more happiness in our daily experience. 

What’s stopping you right now from celebrating all that is going well in this moment? 

As a corporate trainer, I know that an audience can respond very quickly when coached to call up the feeling of happiness.  I often direct groups of people to increase the happiness in the room by the simple act of deciding to be happy.  As a counselor, I know that we often need help getting some of our “junk” out of the way so that we have room for happiness.   Happiness can get crowded out of our life if left unattended and uninvited.

What can you do right now to invite happiness into your present moment?

By gail | Posted in depression, happiness, happiness is hard work, Uncategorized | Comments Off

Happiness is Hard Work

March 6, 2008 – 9:57 pm

Welcome to the Blue Moon Blog! 

Our first topic for the blog conversation is happiness.  I am very excited to write and read and respond to topics and ideas about happiness.  Some would argue that if you have to work hard at happiness - it’s somehow artificial.   Should happiness, by its very nature, be effortless and easy?  I will argue that happiness is both hard work and spontaneous delight.  The pursuit of happiness is another choice.  On the Likert scale of life, happiness as hard work is on one end of the scale and spontaneous delight is on the other end.  Pursuit is in the middle.  All of the choices are equal.

Likert Scale – Quest for Happiness:

(1) Hard Work                          (3) In Pursuit of Happiness                           (5)   Spontaneous Delight

Ask yourself how you feel about the following topics – where do they fall on the scale?

1.    When I think of my home in relation to happiness, home is….

2.  Time with my family is…

3.  When you ask me about my co-workers in relation to my happiness, I say my relationship with them is …

4.  Personally, my job satisfaction contributes to my happiness because work is… 

5.  My ability to make a difference in the world is…

I’d be interested to know what thoughts these ideas provoke about the state of your happiness. 

Do we need more training in how to be happy?  I’ve studied the subject extensively as it related to depression and the lack of happiness.  When we are depressed, what can we do to get back to happiness?  How much control do we have?  Who do you know that has a good handle on happiness?  If you are one of those “naturally happy” people, how do you do it?  What skills have you learned that you could share with the rest of us?

Let’s have a chat about how we will maintain a positive outlook on what is going on around us and in us to create happiness.

By gail | Posted in depression, happiness, happiness is hard work | Comments (2)