So much of what we do as therapists is to help people sort out their concerns, their upsets and their needs. We do spend a great deal of time in session working to express and understand what is happening for the individuals and then the additional layer of what is happening for them as a couple. This is often a rich and exciting discussion since it is not easy to “go there” on our own. A skilled therapist will help you express yourself and listen to your upset and concern for the relationship.

There is a phrase sometimes used as a sarcastic remark but it does hold power to help a couple invent something that could work better. The phrase is “how is that working for you?”. If we spent more time discussing this question and pondering the answer perhaps our experience together would be a more productive dialog. There is a caution that I give to couples which is “listen to the answer and believe your partner when the tell you how it is for them!”. It is not a time to discount or disbelieve. It turns out altogether differently when we take them at their word and listen with a compassionate heart and an ear for understanding.

If you would like help understanding yourself and a new way to get your needs met in a relationship, consider Journey Counseling. We are here to help you along the path to a more enriching relationship.

Think about it for yourself.  When are you happy? 

 Do you notice when you are happy?  Do you say “Wow, right now I am happy!” 

 Or do we more often only look for happiness out of our unhappiness, misery, depression and loneliness? 

The skill then, would be to cultivate happiness by noticing the absence of unhappiness.  We could benefit from deciding to be happy and allowing the self to celebrate this “feeling good” state more each day.  If we took stock more often of the stuff that is going right – we would be happy more often. 

When it comes to happiness, it really is the case of “we are what we think about” as Earl Nightingale was promoting decades ago.   We have all the tools and skills to cultivate more happiness in our daily experience. 

What’s stopping you right now from celebrating all that is going well in this moment? 

As a corporate trainer, I know that an audience can respond very quickly when coached to call up the feeling of happiness.  I often direct groups of people to increase the happiness in the room by the simple act of deciding to be happy.  As a counselor, I know that we often need help getting some of our “junk” out of the way so that we have room for happiness.   Happiness can get crowded out of our life if left unattended and uninvited.

What can you do right now to invite happiness into your present moment?

Our first topic for the blog conversation is happiness.  I am very excited to write and read and respond to topics and ideas about happiness.  Some would argue that if you have to work hard at happiness - it’s somehow artificial.   Should happiness, by its very nature, be effortless and easy?  I will argue that happiness is both hard work and spontaneous delight.  The pursuit of happiness is another choice.  On the Likert scale of life, happiness as hard work is on one end of the scale and spontaneous delight is on the other end.  Pursuit is in the middle.  All of the choices are equal.

Likert Scale – Quest for Happiness:

(1) Hard Work                          (3) In Pursuit of Happiness                           (5)   Spontaneous Delight

Ask yourself how you feel about the following topics – where do they fall on the scale?

1.    When I think of my home in relation to happiness, home is….

2.  Time with my family is…

3.  When you ask me about my co-workers in relation to my happiness, I say my relationship with them is …

4.  Personally, my job satisfaction contributes to my happiness because work is… 

5.  My ability to make a difference in the world is…

I’d be interested to know what thoughts these ideas provoke about the state of your happiness. 

Do we need more training in how to be happy?  I’ve studied the subject extensively as it related to depression and the lack of happiness.  When we are depressed, what can we do to get back to happiness?  How much control do we have?  Who do you know that has a good handle on happiness?  If you are one of those “naturally happy” people, how do you do it?  What skills have you learned that you could share with the rest of us?

Let’s have a chat about how we will maintain a positive outlook on what is going on around us and in us to create happiness.