Wouldn’t it be nice if we had real conversations about that question? How would it feel to really be able to say how things are for you when people ask “how are you?”. I’m guessing that we get so accustomed to giving fake answers like “fine” or “great” that we begin to lose track of how we are actually feeling. I know it is a social custom to respond with “fine” but I wonder when someone who really wants to know asks us “how are you” ; if we struggle trying to find the word to describe how we really are feeling.
Given the pressure on our time and our tendency to apply the “quick fix” to problems, it could be that we short change ourselves by not sharing how things are for us. I see this problem with couples who have not stopped long enough to check in with each other and find out more about their worries and concerns. After this pattern gets put in place, resentment starts to build when our partner does’nt know “how we are”. After a while of this type of inattention, people feel neglected. So, next time someone asks you that vital question….what if you experiment and see what response you get. Are they really listening? Do they offer to help? Could they give you a word of encouragement or enlightenment? It may be worth a try to see if we can connect more effectively and help relieve the burden of feeling alone. Write to me and tell me what happens with your experiment. I’ll try it too and report back.